she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
