Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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