Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
