Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
