i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I party with great urgency now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
