The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
