I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
