I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
