Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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