god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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