I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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