I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
