I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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