So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
