You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
