he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
