its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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