He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
