i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
