I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
