Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
