do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
