I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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