I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
