sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
