Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
