her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
