from now on my penis is your penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
