Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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