If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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