if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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