wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
