I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
