i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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