Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
