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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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