There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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