I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
