I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
