they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
