I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
