Cold hands, warm shart.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
