am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
