She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
