Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
