where am i from again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
