you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
