i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
