the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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