Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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