Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
