your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My vagina is very pro this idea
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