You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's the barista slut.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
