and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
