I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
