Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
