god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
